How to know you are online too much

[2ManyZs]

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL".

3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.

5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-face.

8. You have to get a 2d phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

9. You go into labor and you stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone know you're going to be away.

10. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.

11. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences.

12. You have met over 100 AOLers.

13. You begin to say "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.

14. When someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"

15. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.

16. You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won't know you're on-line again.

17. You know more about your AOL friends' daily routines than you do your own spouses.

18. You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.

19. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own.

20. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much than the truth (online all night).

21. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own profile to see who you are.

22. Your kids are standing at your side saying, "Mommy, please come and cook" dinner and you would rather type another "LOL".

23. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time.

24. You won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved.

25. Your dog leaves you.

26. You have to ask what year it is.

27. You write a letter like this.. "dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well I gotta go bbl!"

28. You name your pets after people you talk to.

29. You smile sideways... :-)

30. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on their buddy list.

31. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore button handy.

32. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.

33. Your significant other kisses your neck while you're chatting & you think "uh oh cyber sex perv".

34. You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.

35. You use AOL lingo in everyday life (if you still have one he he he).

36. You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.

37. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.

38. Your worse comeback to a bully is "I'll slap ya w/a rubber chicken!"

39. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online before you have your first cup of coffee.

40. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.

41. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL's welcome screen.

42. You don't know where the time has gone.

43. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by hand.

44. You get up at 2am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer instead.

45. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo.

46. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/((hugs)) or **kisses**.

47. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.

48. Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n & I will TTYL".

49. You type faster than you think.

50. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.

51. You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.

52. You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.

53. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your TV screen at the end of a movie.

54. People say, "If it weren't for your super reflexes in your eyes & fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!"

55. You dream in "text".

56. Being called a Newbie is a "MAJOR" insult.

57. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you're really bored.

58. You don't want to leave in case you miss something.

59. You double click your TV remote.

60. You can now type over 70wpm.

61. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.

62. You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else & say "BRB" or "BBL".

63. You check your Email and forget you have real mail aka snail mail.

64. You go into withdrawals during dinner.

65. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone in a room.

66. You stop speaking in full sentences.

67. You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room & ended up "giving" tech support to other AOLers.

68. You have to be pried from your computer by the "Jaws of Life".

69. You know what a "snert" is.

70. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to check your mail" & while there you "just wanted to see who was online".

[Bambikiller240]

Hey, You been watching me?

[seerex]

hhm shockingly familiar

[v12horse]

I am not online too much... Just this forum. When it was down, I would periodically go online and check if it was up yet. I even talked with a few of the members through email wondering what happened to it. We were all having withdrawls.

TTYL,

Ben

[ChrisA]

40. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake!

Chris

[Alfadog]

What's a snert???

[AxtellZ]

Glad to admit i didn't know, but...

Dear Straight Dope:

I keep running into a word in online chat areas, used to refer to annoying people in the room. The word is "snert." Any idea where it came from? --IGiveIn

SDSTAFF Dex replies:

The word "snert" was coined early in the days of online chats. AOL says that it is "really a disrespectful, dirty word for someone who doesn't abide by TOS or is otherwise irritating in some way..."

Is it an acronym? These were some responses when the question was put to AOL's online staff:

Sexually Nerdishly Expressive Recidivistic Trolls

Sexually-frustrated Naive Egotistical Repulsive Twerp

Sexually Needy, Emotionally Repressed Troll

Sexually Nerdish Egotistical Rude Teenager (Note: One does NOT have to be a teenager to be a SNERT, only have the maturity level of a teen.)

Sexually-frustrated, Naive, Egocentric, Repulsive Teen

Snot Nosed Egocentric Retentative Turd

Stupid No good Evil Rotten TOS violator

Students Not Eagerly Receiving Teaching

Snot Nosed Egotistically Rude Teenagers

Sexually Needy, Emotionally Repressed Teenager

Snot Nosed Egotistical Raging Teen

SDSTAFF Lara comments that Snert is the name of Hagar the Horrible's dog.

My guess is that it is a portmanteau word (Lewis Carrroll Lives!) from "snob," "snot" and "nerd." In any case, it is considered really, really insulting and should not be used (except under extreme provocation, requiring two Hail Marys and three Our Fathers for absolution.)

--SDSTAFF CKDextHavn

Straight Dope Science Advisory Board

[Comment on this answer.]

[hls30.com]

Well, at least by that list I am a 10!

Will

[1 Bravo 6]

Well, gosh, golly,gee willikers, I'm glad Ididn't ask what a "snert" is. :devious: :devious:

Rick.

:devious: :devious: