Don't forget

half cut

Full as a state school

doing the wobbly waltz

Then going off to "have a chat to Ralph"

Three sheets to the wind

On a dully

AAAHHHHHHH, I KNEW you yanks would have an undercover Slanguage.

O.K. then, on to the next subject.

Insults & Invective.

'ave a go ya mug.

Bite ya bum.

If you picked your nose your head would cave in.

Go and take a running jump at yourself.

Go dip your eye in cocky $^!#.

I hope all your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny (shithouse) door down.

I wouldn't wizz on you if you were on fire.

I'll knock your teeth so far down your throat you'll have to stick a toothbrush up your arse to clean them.

I've seen a better head on a glass of beer.

Pull your head in.

Put a cork in it.(shut up).

What the bloody hell's crawlin' on you mate ?.

You'd make a blowfly sick.

If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your hat off.

wizz off.

Up yours.

Rick

P.S.

Carl, The Adventures Of Barry McKenzie might be described as the 60's version of Crocodile Dundee without the crocs and knives. He was a tall, thin bloke from the outback who wore a wide, wide brimmed hat and blundered his way around New York (I think), and generally gave real Aussies a bad reputation.

Will,

Your comment,"Usefull as an ashtray on a motorbike" is similar to one of ours;

"Useless as a hip pocket on a singlet".

Rick.

man, i don't even know where to begin with this one... however:

"up yours" is pretty universal

"put a sock in it"

...so many to choose from!

We have some variations of yours.

If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose.

you are so ugly you scare the flies away.

and some of ours-but not too many

There will never be a picture of you, the camera wouldn't survive.

I'm not saying you are ugle, your face is.

When god made you, your "ugly" broke the mold.

I've seen a prettier face at the bottom of a toilet in a bar at closing time .

You're so ugly we have to tie a bone around you neck to get the dog to play with you.

Beauty may be only skin deep, but you are ugly all the way through.

Will

Hummm.....

You couldnt catch crabs from a $10.00 hooker.

Dang I cant think of any.

Looks like you took a walk in the ugly forest, and bounced off every tree!!

Take a long walk off a short pier.

F#*& you and the horse you rode in on!

Marty

You were so ugly when you were born that the doctor slapped your momma.

Vicky

Vic, that's really funny! Here's one...."Never get into an arrgument with an idiot, cause they'll bring you down to their level and then whip you with experience".

This one has a bleeper in it. (used on people who just won't shut up) "Speak where I f_ _ked you last....and if you liked it, don't say anything"!!! :eek:

Just remembered one,

"Ya Mama's a Man!"

Will

Another funny one is from Chris Rock I do believe. He said something about one of his buddy's being so black, that when he got out of the car the oil light came on.

(This is not meant to offend anyone so don't take it that way OK)

Vicky

LACHLAN,

Are you learning a few things here mate ????

O.K. Shall we try another one?????????

How about referrals to someone who is stupid, (or you septics would say, STOOPID).

Brick short of a load.

Bright as a two watt bulb.

Couldn't run guts for a slow butcher.

Couple of pies short of a grand final.

Drives uphill with the clutch slipping.

A few stubbies short of a sixpack.

Going through life with the porch light on dim.

Got space to sell between the ears.

Hasn't got all four paws on the mouse.

His lift doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

The lights are on but there's nobody home.

Not the full quid.

Nothing between the ears.

Only fifty cards in the pack.

Sandwich short of a picnic.

Short of numbers in the upper house/story.

Snag short of a barbecue.

Thick as a brick.

Thick as the dust on a public servant's out tray.

Three pots short of a shout.

Wouldn't know his arse from his elbow.

Rick.