Thick as pigsh*t

Going back a few posts:

'You are so ugly that when you were born the doctor turned you over said 'we have twins' '

The baby has me awake, and if you will forgive the one fingered typing, here are a few...

Not the sharpest tool in the shed

lead headed

a Numb nut

got Nothing but storage upstairs

Doesn't have sense enough to come out of the rain

mental misfit

not running on all cylinders

Distributor is distributed

If brains were electrical current you couldn't light a LED

You have a mind like a broken brick

slower than a school bus

dumber than a stump

dumber than a bag full of hammers

doesn't have the sence God gave concrete

Runnin' on 73 carbies

Mensa gave up on him

My fair moron

lug nut

Couldn't get the diaper on the right end with instructions

got nothing but a place to put a hat

His head works like a pinhole camera-light goes right through

pin head

Your jello is not set

If there are pictures he's ok, if there are words-well...

his starter needs replacing

You must be the real Otto (From a Fish called Wanda)

he is synapticly challenged

He'd have a better chance kicking something rather than thinking about it.

Give up, frustration looks bad on you.

He is the poster child for birth control (This one works for Stupid, and Ugly)

Mathmaticly challenged(He can't quite put things together)

Oh, You gave Jerry Lewis the character

You are just like Charlie Chan, except you aren't trying to be funny.

Will

A rubber mallet in a drawer of knifes.

Dumb as a fence post

Organ donor

Poster child for a Prophylactic

a couple more:

I cut a fart that has more sence than you.

His rubberband has snapped

He's a Mental midget

he's a wasted space

If breathing weren't involintary, you would be unconscious.

Even a hat won't keep anything in your head.

every time you open your mouth stupid falls out.

only you would light a match to look in a gas tank.

They said cows were stupid, then they met you.

You are a life support system for sperm bank with no customers.

Only you would watch "BigTop PeeWee" twice.

being tickled by a fart is one thing, being proud of a fart is somthng else

Tim makes more sense than Wilson, doesn't he?

Will

couldn't pour wizz out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.

Will,

You've certainly outdone me on that one. Some of them are what we call Ball Tearers. (Means exceptionally bloody good).

O.K. then, try these for size.

ACCUPATIONS.

Barber = Sydney Harbour (Rhyming slang).

Bookmaker = bookie.

Boundary rider = Topwire lizard.

Carpenter = Chippie.

Cattle thief = Duffer, Gully raker.

Cattle station worker = Jackaroo (male), Jillaroo (female).

Collector of empty bottles = Bottle-oh.

Clergyman = Amen snorter, Bible basher, God botherer, Sky pilot.

Dairy farmer = Cow cocky.

Dentist = Fang carpenter, gum puncher.

Dingo hunter = Dog stiffener.

Doctor = Quack.

Electrician = Sparkie.

Farmer = Ground parrot, Cockatoo/Cockie.

Land speculator = Land shark.

Parking officer = Grey ghost.

Plumber = Dunny diver. (A 'dunny' is a shithouse).

Police = Blues, Boys in blue, Ducks and geese (rhyming slang), Wallopers.

Prostitute = Chromo, Mallee root.

Public servant = Shiny arse.

Teacher = Chalkie.

Tramp = Bagman, Sundowner, Swaggie, Swagman.

Old people = Crumblies, Old crackers, Oldies, Wrinklies.

Pregnant = Bun in the oven, In the club, In the pudding club, Preggers,

Up the duff, Up the spout.

Remote Australia = Back o' Bourke (town in the middle of nowhere),

Beyond the Black Stump, Middle of nowhere, The never never, Outback, Where the crows fly backwards to keep the sun out of their eyes.

Rick.

In no order, but as they come to mind:

Barber-facial fuzzball trimmer, hair collector,

Dentist-bare bone blacksmith, the chair,

Gas station attendant-Petroleum Transport Specialist

Flobottomist-vampire

policeman-cop, Barney Fife, gum shoe wannabe, flatfoot, tin tiger, buble gum machine driver

security guard-rentacop, bozo with a badge, bluelight reject, why bother

Fireman-walking smoke detector, heat challenged, too stupid to get out of the fire(affectionately)!

City official-doofus without a cluefus, barney without a bullet,

Doctor-hypocritic oaf, golfball gaffer, healthy extortionist.

Plumber- lead spread, fitting fumbler, potty man,

Electrician-wire wanker, conduit chaser, zap blumber,

Male prostitute-pipe layer, AL Frankin, traveling d***, wandering wiener, portable prick, Ratner

Femal Prostitute-7/11, tv doll, pin cussion, walking socket, life support system for a p-ssy, b-girl, paid nympho, street walker, fishnet friday, harlot, layandpay

tramp-homeless person, cart lady, vagabond, carpet bagger, wwff, street buddy, a properly paid lawyer

Used car salesman-lawyer in training, slicky, spreader, sh-t salesman

lawyer-ex used car salesman in a better suit, deliberately vague and wavering, a courtroom actor, a legal lier, Mr. half truth, legal prostitute, legal extortionist

Middle of nowhwhere-lower Egypt, the boonies, bumf-ck iowa, back of the closet, out in the sticks, beyond the bars, down yonder, round the back, past the fense, down the tubes,

Come on you lot, I know there are more, Carl ,TomoHawk, 240ZX, I know you guys have some to add!

Will

OK, here's something different...

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two cannibals area eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'. That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. Is it common? It's not unusual.

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you, " said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" says Daisy.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says. "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

Vicky

Vicky, you are a mess!

Will

Vicky, you are a mess!

Will

........ahh, Thanks Will.

Vicky

Yair Vicki, what Will said. I agree.

Now, ...... maybe I'm suffering from short term memory loss but I don't recall seeing a jumper cable on any lists . What is it ????????

Gee, Will .....ikers, Will,

Are you the only one over there who knows this lingo ??????????????? what's happened to Carl, Victor, Jeff and the rest. Or are you just beating them to the punch ??????????????????

Anyway, for tonight's installment,

We say that INEFECTUAL/INCOMPETENT arseholes;

Couldn't fart into a bottle.

Couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag.

Couldn't give away cheese at a rat's picnic.

Couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding.

Couldn't last a round in revolving door.

Couldn't run a chook raffle in a country pub.

Couldn't train a choko vine over a country dunny.

Couldn't win if he started the night before.

If he bought a kangaroo it wouldn't hop.

Must have got his licence out of a Cornflakes packet.

Only got one oar in the water.

So wet you could shoot ducks off him.

Sooky.

Weak as a wet whistle.

Weak as cat's wizz.

O.K, let's hear yours mates.

Rick.