You were so ugly when you were born that the doctor slapped your momma.

Vicky

Good one Vicky!!

You so ugly you make a freight train take a dirt road.

You're head's so far up your arse you need a glass bellybutton to see.

You could burn water.

Chris

useful as tits on a bull

couldn't whip his way out of a wet paper bag

he's a fart in a wind storm

PS, jumper cables are what you use to connect one car to another a car with a flat battery.

Rick,

It could be that I have a young and vocal mouth to feed, butt to diaper, and take for a walk! I am up every 2 to three hour, and when he is content with his bottle I can torture him with tunes, hold him in one arm, and type with the other!

Couldn't cary a tune in a bag(I prove this to my son every couple of hours)

couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a shotgun

couldn't catch fish at the market

couldn't find a break in a glass factory

couldn't get a date if you paid for it.

couldn't find water in the rain

couldn'y get laid in a whore house

couldn't find and apple in a orchard

couldn't find an address if you were inside

couldn't tell North if you were on the South Pole

couldn't give directions to get to your left hand

couldn't make ice in the freezer

you couldn't boil water on the stove

couldn't get married in the Fillipines

couldn't find fun in Vegas

You wouldne't know what to do with Miss November, and couldn't follow a map to figure it out

You are the reason Winnebagos come with instruction manuals

You will win one day, but it will be a Darwin award.

You are just like bad core mat.

You must be a carreer politican

you are everybit as stupid as you look.

The army has a name for you, clusterf-ck

when the tough get going, you stay at home

a "cary on" is luggage, not you.

You couldn't beat an egg

If there were a movie about you, it would be called "Pure Luck" and you would be played by Martin Short!

Will

Ok, I'm wrong!

Will

Vicky, those sound like Steven Wright one liners. I always liked his humor. He seems funnier if you see him do the jokes himself in that monotone way he delivers them.

Vicky, those sound like Steven Wright one liners. I always liked his humor. He seems funnier if you see him do the jokes himself in that monotone way he delivers them.

Hi Stepehn

The jokes are actually out of a car show magazine we subscribe to. I can never remember any jokes I hear . Steven Wright is funny. I always liked his HBO specials back in the day. My favorite comedian today is Lewis Black from the "Daily Show" on Comedy Central . He's so hyper and "in your face". Sam Kinison is my all time favorite, however.

Vicky

Vicky,

"Good answer, I like the way you think!"

Will