For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase.

So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage & no bike

hahha! that's great....

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper,

"Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:"ME."

So the old hermit comes into town to visit the bordello.

The Madam asks if he has money, the hermit say's "Yes, bags of money". The Madam asks if he has experience. The hermit replies, "No, no experience". So the Madam tells the hermit to come back when he has. After about three months the hermit comes back to the Madam. She see's his money and asks if he has experience. He says yes. So she invites him in and asks him if he prefers blondes, brunettes or redheads. The hermit excitedly say's he'd take a redhead. So the Madam tells him to go upstairs to room three and take all his clothes off. The hermit goes into the room and removes his clothes as a beautiful redhead enters the room and asks him how he'd like it. The hermit tells the redhead to "bend over and grab your ankles". The redhead thinks "oh boy another freak" but does it anyway. The hermit takes a big stick out of a bag and whacks her right on the butt. Startled and surprised the redhead says "What the hell was that for?" and the hermit replies.......

CHECKING FOR BEES!!!

Chris

Okay, so I was a KID when I heard it.

Checking for bees huh those are both pretty good Chris. Better then mine anyway

blonde goes to the gynecologist

doctor says" you have acute vaginitis"

blonde says" oh thankyou, thankyou very much"

Chris, I loved that one.

Reminded me of the time I hid in the chimney.

Rick.

How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb in the kitchen?

Who cares?, let her cook in the dark.

What do you do when your washing machine stops working ???

Slap her until she starts again.

Why do men die before their wives??

They want to.

Why do women have periods??

Because they deserve them.

Why do men pass more gas than women ??

Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

What do you call a man whose been lucky in love ??

A batchelor.

How much do batchelors know about women anyway??

A hell of a lot. That's why they're still batchelors.

Rick.

Thats Funny Rick...Ill have to remember some of those