Images and Stories to follow on no particular schedule.

That's classic Carl! Let the Holiday Humour begin :laugh:

Vicky

SANTA IS NOT A FEMALE

There is absolutely NO way Santa is female. Here's why:

First, Christmas would be late every year. The line at the department store

would never move because Santa would feel the need to 'bond' with every kid that

sat on her lap. The elves would never get any toys made because they'd be too

busy telling her, "No Santa, those red pants do not make your butt look fat."

Also, Christmas comes at the end of the month but I have never heard the REAL

Santa complain about cramps or feeling all bloaty.

What woman would be even caught dead in a chimney? Gosh, she might break a nail

in there. And what about Santa's beard? I'm sure you'll agree that most women

look significantly better without facial hair (unless they're total schnauzers).

If Santa was female, she sure wouldn't have white hair. She'd be down at the

North Pole Super-X every other day buying a gallon of 'Clairol Brunette #

whatever'. Plus, women don't smoke pipes. Also, the sleigh and the reindeer are

not equipped with an automatic transmission, a cell phone or vanity mirrors. Not

to mention, I don't think Mrs. Claus is a lesbian. I also find it hard to

believe that a female Santa could whip a reindeer's arse to get it moving. It's a

widely-known fact that coochie-coochie talk doesn't work with reindeer.

A female Santa would only bring junk like 'Easy Bake' ovens, Baby 'Puke 'n

Crap', and worst of all - CLOTHES - to all the little boys in the world because

those items aren't as threatening as the really cool toys like 'Johnny

Thermo-nuclear Warhead' or 'Rock-em Sock-em Robots' or 'Creepy Crawlers'. And

when you leave a plate of cookies out on the kitchen table on Christmas Eve,

Santa judiciously takes a bite from each one to prove he was there. If Santa was

a woman, the whole damn box of Snackwells would be devoured and there'd be a sea

of empty Ben & Jerry's containers all over the kitchen floor. As far as that red

velvet suit is concerned, Mrs Claus withheld sex until Santa agreed to wear it.

And if all that doesn't prove without a doubt that Santa is a guy, consider this verse from the poem: T'was The Night Before Christmas:

"He spoke not a word but went straight to his work..."

If Santa was female, that line would have read:

"She wouldn't shut up, so Christmas was postponed indefinitely..."

Yep, Santa's a guy alright, as are most mythical holiday characters (with the

exception of the Easter Bunny, thanks to Hugh Heffner).

As far as that red

velvet suit is concerned, Mrs Claus withheld sex until Santa agreed to wear it.

Good one Carl!

Chris

Did you all notice the little alien hidding behind the tree? One smart bunny!!! Where do you find this stuff Carl?

Christmas Spirit indeed!

It s Christmas Eve and Santa arrives at this beautiful young woman s apartment. She takes one look at Santa and decides that she needs to make love to Santa.

She say s “Oh Santa, won't you stay the night? Santa replies, “HO, HO, HO, Gotta go! Gotta Go! Gotta deliver those toys, you know.

The young woman tries to tempt Santa again by letting down her long silky hair and begs, “Oh Santa, now won't you stay? Santa again replies, “HO, HO, HO, Gotta go! Gotta Go! Gotta deliver those toys, you know.

The young woman tries one last time. This time she opens her house robe and reveals her beautiful body. She then asks, “Oh Santa, won't you please stay. Santa, now becoming aroused, replies, “Hey, Hey, Hey, Gotta Stay! Gotta Stay! Won't fit up the chimney THIS way!

http://www.flowgo.com/funpages/view.cfm/6678

Ho Ho Ho. Ten characters

Carl,

You never fail to amaze me.

KEEP 'EM CUMMIN' MATE.

Rick.

where's my dinner?

Ten Charecters