The position a woman sleeps in says a lot about her.

If she sleeps on her side, she's .... sensitive.

If she sleeps on her stomach, she's ... competent.

And if she sleeps on her back with her ankles behind her ears she's POPULAR.

____________________________________________________________

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase it's sales so the owner put up a sign saying, "FREE SEX WITH FILL UP".

Soon a local Redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10 and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The Redneck guessed 8.

The owner said, "You were close, the number was 7. Sorry, no free sex this time.

A week later, the same Redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The owner gave him the same story and asked him to guess the number. The Redneck said 2 this time. Once again, the owner said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the Redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex".

Bubba replied, "No 'taint Billy Ray, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week".

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's my first installment on what are reported to be actual notes left for

----------THE MILKMAN-----------

"Dear milkman,

I've just had a baby, please leave another one.

Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk.

Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

-----------------------------

More tomorrow.

Rick.

Oh more nredneck jokes...Not bad tho.

a redneck and his new bride go into a motel and he tell the clerk he just got married and wants a room with a sturdy bed.the clerk replys "bridal".the groom says "no, i'll just grab her by the ears"

O.K, more "Milkman" notes.

Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby, and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

***************

My daughter says she wants a milkshake.

Do you do it before you deliver, or do I have to shake the bottle.

***************

Please send me a form for cheap milk.

I have a baby two months old and did notknow about it until a neighbour told me.

***************

Milk is needed for the baby.

Father is unable to supply it.

***************

Please leave no milk today.

When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

***************

No milk.

Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.

***************

Rick.

Hey there Billy Boy,

Shouldn't you change your name to "billramsey 2005"? You're a little behind the times mate.

Or is Little Rock in Redneck country?????????????. :nervous: :nervous:

Rick.

:devious: :devious: :devious:

...........Or is Little Rock in Redneck country?????????????. :nervous: :nervous:

Rick.

:devious: :devious: :devious:

Does the Pope where funny hats?

What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The location of the dirt bag.

Vicky

Getting to the point that "dirtbags" can't afford Harleys any more.

True. Seems everything that was once affordable to the average Joe is now only available to a select few. Everything is going up but my salary it seems. Now it might be less if this Social Security Reform goes through.

Vicky

Oh, Carl,Carl,Carl,

Does the Pope WHERE funny hats?

GOTCHA AGIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rick.

:devious: :devious: :devious: :devious:

Here's one for the golfers.

A foursome is waiting at the men's tee while another foursome are hitting off from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time and when, finally, the last one tees off, she hacks it about ten feet.

She then goes over to her ball and hacks it another ten feet.

She looks up at the men, who are watching, and says apologetically, "I guess all those f###ing lessons I took this winter didn't help".

One of the men immediately replies, "Now, .. there's your problem. You should have taken golf lessons instead.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Do you think you've had a bad day ?????????

These are supposed to be actual cases.

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.

A postmortem revealed that the man died NOT from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how the man, dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers and a face mask ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it, one minute our diver was making like flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.

(Can anyone in CA confirm or refute this report ?).

Another "BAD DAY" report tomorrow.

Rick.

:devious: :devious: :devious:

Oh, Carl,Carl,Carl,

Does the Pope WHERE funny hats?

..........

GOTCHA AGIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rick.

:devious: :devious: :devious: :devious:

Oh, Rick, Rick, Rick,

"Shirley" you know that I was just stocking the pond for you.

Sometimes the fish catch the fisherman. But this is "twooooo" easy.