I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a

state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do"

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the

passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I

just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!" So she says

the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me

to satisfy your physical needs as a man. " She responded to my puzzled

look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for

you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with

her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big

unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on

several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one

take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to

compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond

earrings.

Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave

short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she

asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play

tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all

dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I

blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled

"WHAT??!!!" I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this

stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a

man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, why

can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over

a frozen hell.

i think thats been posted before...but its still kinda funny.

Oh my God! That is probably the funniest thing I have read for a while. If it's true it's even funnier. Maybe not for you though.