A message to all from Santa Claus

[montoya_fan01]

From Santa

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Arkansas, Oaklahoma, Texas, Ohio, Louisiana or Alabama on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho,! Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as"Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

[Fun_in_my_z]

Why are you always picking on the red necks?

[montoya_fan01]

Cause they're an easy target?

Cause I like 'Larry the Cable Guy' type of humor?

Cause most Red Necks have a sense of humor and realize when a joke is made?

Come On William, lighten up just a tad bit or Santa won't leave you any Hush Puppies in your Xmas stocking. :laugh:

[Fun_in_my_z]

I was being light!

Hush puppies? hell he better be bringing me z stuff!

[bobbyd]

boy! you really enjoy pushin' buttons......

[montoya_fan01]

boy! you really enjoy pushin' buttons......

just the big red ones flashing "PUSH ME!".

[1 Bravo 6]

Good one Garth,

Loved it !!!!!!!!!!!

She Who Must Be Obeyed came into the computer room to see what I was laughing at..

Rick.

LOL

[Zthing]

Sounds like a pretty cool fella to me. A Santa upgrade you might say. Ya'll have a great Christmas.

[xray]

and he'd probably like this decoration....

Merry Christmas!

Steve