Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not able to say it.

The older you get, the better you realise you were.

Age is a very high price for maturity.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?.

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?.

If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?.

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?.

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?.

Uhohhhh.....I didn't know-noone told me...Wait a minute, we have limits here in South Georgia-never mind!

Will