Police Officer

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER!

1) I can't reach my license, can you hold my beer?

2) Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

3) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You become Santa Claus.

4) You start to look like Santa Claus.

Rim Shot

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

Things you'll never hear from a southern man

1) I don't have a favorite college football team.

2) Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

3) Don't ya think those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darling?

4) Let's go to New York City and see a Broadway show next week. I can go hunting with the guys any time.