Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What, did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setters butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

, Man, I needed a good laugh.

When I last heard that joke it took place in Wal-Mart and the guy had four dogs.

what, wife and 3 daughters?

Nice! I could only dream of being so quick on my feet so as to think up an elaborate story like that on the fly. Can't believe people STILL ask questions like that.

My favorite was one my best friend told me about... True story.

He was standing in line at an upscale grocery store and had just gotten off work. He did pressure cleaning which had splattered a few chunks of mud on him and his BO was noticable. Noticing that the lady behind him was giving him looks he turned to her and asked if anything was wrong. She replied you're filithy and you stink! I don't know how you can even be in here!

His reply was do you want to know the difference between you and I??... (Long pause and no reply) I can go home, shower and throw some clean clothes on and I'll be a decent happy person. If YOU go home and take a shower and throw some clothes on you'll STILL be a miserable stuck up BIT**!

That ended the conversation and caught a few chuckles from those in earshot.

GunnerRob and JimmyZ, I'm just so envious of you (and happy for you)

that you can think that fast on your feet. I'm the guy who struggles

for an answer, ends up keeping his mouth shut, and two hours later I

think, "I wish I had said......................!"

Rick

Nice! I could only dream of being so quick on my feet so as to think up an elaborate story like that on the fly.

He didn't, it's an old joke......

GunnerRob and JimmyZ, I'm just so envious of you (and happy for you)

that you can think that fast on your feet.

Neither of them did. GunnerRob's is an old joke and JimmyZ's was a story told to him by a friend....

Edited November 6, 200915 yr by sblake01

GunnerRob and JimmyZ, I'm just so envious of you (and happy for you)

that you can think that fast on your feet. I'm the guy who struggles

for an answer, ends up keeping his mouth shut, and two hours later I

think, "I wish I had said......................!"

Rick

Actually Rick, this wasn't something that I did. A friend of mine sent the story to me, and I assumed it was just a funny story.

I too wish I were that quick with witty replies to dumb questions.

My wife, was always after me to go shopping with her..

Then I began wearing my favourite tee shirt.

She doesn't want me to go shopping with her anymore. Now she takes her mom or one of her sisters. ;-)

He didn't, it's an old joke......

Neither of them did. GunnerRob's is an old joke and JimmyZ's was a story told to him by a friend....

Right you are Blake! Rest assurred he did get to use the line even if it wasn't original. He had lots of comebacks for all occasions.

I usually think of a comeback ten minutes to one day after the event.

yeah, when that happened to me I was licking my ba-doublehockeysticks.

My wife, was always after me to go shopping with her..

Then I began wearing my favourite tee shirt.

She doesn't want me to go shopping with her anymore. Now she takes her mom or one of her sisters. ;-)

LMFAO!!!!!!! I wish I had the guts to wear something like this to places I never wanted to go in the first place.