Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

No one is listening until you fart.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what lies you told.

Good judgement comes from bad experience ...... and most of that comes from bad judgement.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on your arse. Then things just keep getting worse.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Rick.

:devious::devious:

Additionally

Sometimes it's better your keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a damned fool rather than say something and remove all doubt!

Feel free to add more ism's