Ponderisms...

Posted February 28, 201114 yr

PONDERISMS:

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water?

Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

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3. OK..... So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?

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5. There are three religious truths:

a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.

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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

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9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

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10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

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11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, dry cleaners depressed and prostitutes delayed?

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12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

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13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

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14. ! What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.

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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?

Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive!

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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

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22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

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24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?

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February 28, 201114 yr

comment_347729

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for

your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? ZCAR.COM

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March 1, 201114 yr

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comment_347775

Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats?

Is it possible to be allergic to water?

Considering that warm air rises, if a man builds up gas and the ambient temperature is less than his body temperature, does he weigh less than when he does not have gas? If he ate a pound of beans, would he weigh more or less? Going further, if one ate enough gaseous food, would they ultimately float off into space?

Why is there a little countdown (like 8, 7, 6, 5, 4) near the bottom of the copyright info page in the beginning of many books?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

How come only your fingers and toes get prune in the shower and nothing else does?

In the song "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini," which is yellow-the bikini or the polka dots?

Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?

Whats a question with no answer called?

When the stock market closes at the end of the day, why does everyone stand around smiling and clapping regardless of whether the stocks are up or down?

When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?

If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?

When you drive by a dead skunk in the road, why does it take about 10 seconds before you smell it? Assume that you did not actually drive over the skunk.

Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries ever get arrested because they look just like the criminal they are playing?

Why doesn't baking soda freeze?

I'm always reading about the "Great Apes." What's so great about them? How come we never hear about any "Paltry Apes"?

Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?

Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?

I read about an actuary who calculated that the odds of a man's trousers falling down if he was wearing both a belt and suspenders was about 35,000 to one. What would be the odds of a man's trousers falling down while wearing only a belt? What about only suspenders?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

What benefit is there to toasting bread instead of just eating it untoasted? If there is no benefit, how much electric energy is wasted on toasting in the U.S. of A., do you think?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

Why is it that humans can move their eyes in opposite directions toward the nose, but not away from the nose?

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?

Say I freeze meat in January. The package has an expiration date of February. When I thaw it in June, why doesn't it remember immediately that it should have gone bad four months ago?

When you're asleep and dreaming about performing calorie-burning activities such as running, jumping and flying, do you burn more calories in reality as opposed to when you're dreaming about doing something low-impact?

What causes the sound of air swishing inside your head?

Mulberry bush aside, would a monkey really chase a weasel?