That last joke about the CIA is F@#$@ hilarious!!!! Keep em coming!!!

A young blonde fellow wanted to go ice fishing for the first time. So, after spending a few hundred on ice fishing gear, he heads out to the nearest frozen lake to try his luck.

After getting comfy on his new stool, he starts to cut a hole in the ice.

Then from the heavens a voice booms...

THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!

Startled, he picks up his stool and moves further down the lake. He take out his thermos and pours himself a cup of hot chocolate and begins to cut another hole in the ice.

The voice booms again....

THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!

This time he's getting a little unnerved, so he moves as far down the lake as he can. He sets up and begins to cut a hole in the ice.

The voice booms again...

THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!

The guy is really shaking now, and raise his head and says, "Is that you Lord?"

The voice answers...

"NO, I AM THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!"

A newly wed goes to her doctor for a checkup.The doctor he know she's newly wed and ask her is there any question about a man you would like to ask while you are here?YES,she says I have a question about a mans penis.The doctor says well the length is called the shaft and the end is called the head.I'd like to know about the two things that hang down about 12 inches behind the head the newlywed ask. UH,I can't speak for your husband the doctor replied but,based on myself I'd say thats the cheeks of my arse!!!!

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are getting a divorce.In the courtroom the judge say's-So let me get this straight Mickey,you want to divorce Minnie because you say she's crazy.NO!! replied Mickey I said because she's f**king Goofy!!! .

The law enforcement agencies in Australia undertook a similar exercise. A white rabbit into the forest just outside Canberra.

The Victorian Police go in. They return 15 minutes later with a koala, a kangaroo and a tree fern all shot to pieces. "They looked like dangerous rabbits we had to act in self defence" is their explanation.

The NSW Police go in. Surveillance tapes later reveal top ranking officers and rabbits dancing naked around a gum tree stoned out of their brains. F***ing, s**t, is the only intelligible phrase picked up by the microphone.

The QLD Police go in. Shortly afterwards, they come out driving a brand new Mercedes, scantily clad rabbits draped all over them. The QLD Premier congratulates them on maintaining traditional family values.

The NCA (Nat Crime Auth) couldn't catch the rabbit, but promise if they are given a budget increase they can recover 90 million from the rabbit in unpaid taxes and proceeds of crime.

The WA police went into the forest and caught the white rabbit, but the rabbit inexplicably hung itself in the cell when the attending officer "slipped out momentarily" for a cup of coffee.

The NT and SA police join forces to belt the crap out of every rabbit in the forest except the white one. They know it is the black ones who cause all the trouble.

The Aust Federal Police refuse to go. They examine the issues, particularly cost and decide that because of the low priority and cost to the organisation as a whole, the matter should be rejected and returned to the referring department for investigation.

ASIO went to the wrong forest.

Aussie palm pilot

A man goes to the doctor complaining of an incredible pain in his testicles.

The doctor examines him and says: "Your wife is blonde, isn't she?"

The amazed man exclaims "That's uncanny, how would you know that from examining my privates? Did you see a stray hair or something?"

The doctor replies; "Oh no, nothing like that. What you have is a very common affliction to men who are married to blondes. You have a ruptured testicle, which we can treat. To avoid future problems, remind your wife that 'Blow Job', is a figure of speech!"

Originally posted by EScanlon

................. is a figure of speech!"

OUCH!!!!!!!!

:hurt: :eek:

Originally posted by bonniec75209

Do you know why sharks don't eat mechanics? Professional courtesy.

I liked this one better the first time I heard it. It was about Sharks and Lawyers.

Sorry. Most mechanics are honest and dependable.

P.S. Has anyone besides me noticed how loooooong this thread is getting?

THE LONGER THE BETTER !

- Jeff

My wife (blonde) complained about how much time I was spending on my Z's, so I got her a vibrator to amuse herself with while I was busy. Damned if she didn't go and chip a tooth