DANGEROUS VENOMOUS SNAKE

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)

LOCATION: Throughout the world

DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fangless, with a

highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches,

depending on its mood and subspecies.

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women, in the lower front

abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe

swelling, followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The

attack is not usually fatal. However, it has been known to

attack men in the rear lower abdomen, which may result in an

incurable disease and possible death.

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to

appear in the most unusual places.

ANTIDOTE:Various types of vaccine available for women.

However, once the venom is injected into the body, only

drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no

known antidote for men.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED

TORNIQUET: Do not apply a torniquet, as the venom is too deep

in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and

ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks

anyhow.

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the

victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any

success.

MILKING THE SNAKE

1. Place 4 fingers of the right hand around the neck of the

reptile, with the thumb in the front.

2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards

motion.

3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive

and start spitting.

4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on

the milker and the last time the snake attacked.

5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20

minutes.

CONCLUSION:

This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not

necessarily a vermin and, treated with the right respect,

makes a wonderful pet.

THE BUNNY AND THE SNAKE

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there

lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising

coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was

hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering

through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and

fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a

bit.

'Oh, my,' said the bunny, 'I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean

to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see

where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't

even know what I am.'

'It's quite OK,' replied the snake. 'Actually, my story is

much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth,

and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could

slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least

you'll have that going for you.'

'Oh, that would be wonderful,' replied the bunny. So the snake

slithered all over the bunny, and said, 'Well, you're covered

with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches;

and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a

bunny rabbit.'

'Oh, thank you! Thank you,' cried the bunny in obvious

excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, 'Maybe I could feel you all

over with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me.'

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, 'Well,

you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no

backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be either an

accountant, or possibly someone in senior management.'

You have WAY to much time on your hands.

Originally posted by bonniec75209

THE BUNNY AND THE SNAKE

(Major Snip by Carl) So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, 'Well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be either an accountant, or possibly someone in senior management.'

Or a Lawyer!

Or a politician...