For those of you who have kids past this age, this is hilarious.

For those of you who have children this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, TX.

Things I have learned from my children (honest and no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house with 4 inches of water.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3 year-olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dogs leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit, and a ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in a window (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Chlorox makes smoke, and lot's of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and the microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials say they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tank makes lots of noise while driving.

18. You probably don't want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin,TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycyle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will however make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful...

First grade, a true story...

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, " And the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think the man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...

"Holy $^!#!, a talking pig!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.........

great, and I have TWINS!

looking forward to this...

At 33 years old, my wife and i have 2 boys and 3 girls --

I can testify for most of the statements above!!

-Jeff

We have the first one on the way.. a boy :classic: and my wife insists that I'll be instigating most of this stuffROFL

Arizona240z

Do ya mean like showing him how to toss up wet wads of toilet paper to stick on the ceiling while he's taking a bath?

My daughter and I had a BLAST doing that...........'till her mother came home!!!

See, you can be young again!

ROFL ROFL

GOOD GRIEF, I cried so much I laughed.

Rick.

As a senior in high school I can confirm that brake fluid mixed with chlorox makes a $^!# load of smoke. Enough that the fire dept. will come...:cheeky:

I'm 32 and seriously contemplating doing this in the driveway tonight just so I can see it for myself.

Good stuff!! Reminds me of the time my daughter wanted to see how much toilet paper she could shove up her nose.

Originally posted by 2ManyZs

Things I have learned from my children (honest and no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house with 4 inches of water.

Let's see:

2000 sq. ft x 4 inches =

666.66 cubic feet =

4987 US Gallons

A king-size waterbed matress is 6 feet by 7 feet so yours must be about 16 feet thick.

damn engineers gotta take everything literally

Hey no pick'in on engineers.

I think that the clorox+brake fluid is really

bad news. Doesn't that produce toxic gases?

What was bad was when my brother who was in 5th grade(about a year ago) made my supposely broken car alarm work in unison with my brake lights.

I came home wondering what in the world was going on and he came out laughing and said april fools(this was a year ago). Except I didn't find it too funny at the time, especially since i drove it to school like that.