"Late Show" quotes and such

Guess this will give them new joke material for a long time to come....

"Hillary's got this huge book; it's a memoir of her life and times at

the White House. In the book, she says when Bill told her he was having

an affair; she said 'I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air.' No,

I'm sorry, that's what Monica said." - David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton's book hits the stores this Monday. Oh boy, it took

her a long time to write it. But in her defense, every time she tried to

use the desk, Bill was always using it for a date." - Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs come out next week. So much of

her personality shines through, that in the end; you'll want to sleep with

an intern." - Craig Kilborn

"In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it

was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting

married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on

page two, the trouble starts." - Jay Leno"

"Hillary Clinton has finished her memoirs for publication next year,

while Bill has barely finished the first chapter. Well, in all fairness,

Fiction is a lot harder to write." - Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she

has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the

United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is

crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family." - David

Letterman

"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new

home in Washington. People said it was a lot like the parties she used to

host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same. " - Jay

Leno

"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his

campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made,

a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend

the night on the couch." - Late, Late Show host Craig Kilborn

"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York.

When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know,

the one with only seven commandments." - David Letterman

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America.

Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her

because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it." - Jay

Leno