If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen... and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems):

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out oBR>25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

What happenned to 14-24??? ROFL ROFL

That's funny, I hadn't noticed.:cross-eye

I didn't notice it till I was copying it to forward it to some folks I work with. Are you on the West Bank or down by Belen?

LOL Awesome stuff

Originally posted by civ104

Are you on the West Bank or down by Belen?

We're just out of Albuquerque on the Northwest side. We live in the sagebrush and prickly pear cactus about 5 mile from the Rio Grande. I know a little about Maryland from when we lived in Manassas, VA.

Steven Wight's comedy is an acquired taste. I haven't acquired it. He's the one comedian that annoys me more than Gallegher.

IMHO, The material is funnier when delivered by anyone else, even in written form it's funnier than when he presents it.

Originally posted by sahunt66

We're just out of Albuquerque on the Northwest side. We live in the sagebrush and prickly pear cactus about 5 mile from the Rio Grande. I know a little about Maryland from when we lived in Manassas, VA.

I've got relatives living down in Los Lunas and am familiar with the area you're living in. My younger sister used to live a bit south of you.

Originally posted by Bambikiller240

Steven Wight's comedy is an acquired taste. I haven't acquired it. He's the one comedian that annoys me more than Gallegher.

IMHO, The material is funnier when delivered by anyone else, even in written form it's funnier than when he presents it.

Maybe so, I haven't heard of him before seeing this but thought it was funny.

I wasn't aware he was a scientist...

hmmmmmm.

Civ104,

Been in HDG long? I lived in Bel Air from 1993 until 2001. I have a model of the HDG lighthouse sitting on my entertainment center. Nice area of the country.

I also didn't know he was a scientist. Are we all talking about the comedian with the dry, mono-tone humor? I believe he hails from the Boston area.