Save the whales. Collect the whole set

A day without sunshine is like...night!

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last is the slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Support bacteria, they are the only culture some people have.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many believe in telekinesis?? Raise my hand.

OK, so what is the speed of dark??

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now!

Why do psychics have to ask for your name??

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Get a new car for your spouse. It will be a great trade!

....and the one I like:

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

I have a few more at work that are really good....