Qantas

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and

problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

Too FunnyROFL

Just makes you want to run out and buy an airline ticket and go flying, doesn't it??? ROFL

sounds like a page from the movie AIRPLANE ,

Isn't Quantas the airline that Dustin Hoffman's character in Rain Man wanted to take?

Not wanting to be picky but........... it's spelt QANTAS (the only 'Q' word in the dictionary that doesn't preceed a 'U')

Sorry Alfadude,

You're right! I had 2 out of 4 Qantas spelled wrong, so I fixed em. Must have been laughin to hard with this one.

:stupid:

thanks

Anyone outside of OZ know where/how QANTAS derived it's name?

(Probably all the Aussies know, I'm guessing) ( I do:D)

Youre right there, all of us know, they teach us in bloody school!!!

OOH OOH! I know! chances are I'm not far enough away from Australia to count as being outside of OZ

Well, TELL US!

I was neva tort what QANTAS means in school... Doesn't say much for my school! :stupid:

Q:Queensland

A:And

N:Northern

T:Teritory

A:Airline

S:Service

Thats, Qeensland(an Aussie state) And Northern Teritory(Another state) Airline service.

Its grown a bit since the name was made eh?

AlphaDog, QANTAS isnt a word... It stands for something

^^^

Now I feel like a bloody teacher!:stupid:

Cheer'z'