charliekwin

Mystery solved!  Keep reading if you need a laugh.  Stop if you don't want to see me embarrass myself.
 
 
I put two more gallons of fuel in it (now up to at least 7, probably closer to 9), still nothing.  Then pulled the solenoid wire and couldn't hear the fuel pump.  Crawled under the car to see if anything looked out of sorts, and saw green and black wires.  Then the lightbulb went off.  Here's the other end of the wires, from the inside of the car:
 

 
I DCed them when I started on the interior.  The car fired right up when I reconnected the fuel pump.  Imagine that.  Somehow, I feel simultaneously better and worse now: it's fixed, but I'm kind of a dummy.
 
Ahh well, it's cocktail time (my choice today, and highly recommended: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2013/11/equinox-eastern-standard-calvados-sour-fall-drink-cocktail.html ).  Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and thanks to all for their help.