Saturday night:
This is the Tuxedo CR-3000, $917 from Best Buy Automotive Equipment, not including lift-gate service, shipment tracking, brackets, and tip for the driver who muscled it up my driveway on a hand lift while I was at work.
I was nervous it was going to be cheap and maybe even dangerous, but my assessment is that this thing is going to be perfectly fine once I upgrade 8 of the bolts to better hardware. The fact that the T-arms are 2.5" tubes instead of 3" might actually make it more usable because I can get more creative with how I make the rear brackets. Could I have gotten a better one? Sure, but this is good enough to get the job done, which is what matters on this budget.
If you do get one for yourself, remember not to over tighten the nut on the end of the screw that adjusts the height of the T-arm. If you do it won't spin when you turn the handle, which will cause the handle to come off because of the way that it attaches.