Snappy Answers

[kmack]

Snappy Answer #6

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #5

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #4

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #3

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #2

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be "FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."

And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....

Snappy Answer #1

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-arse guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

[Fun_in_my_z]

Ill have to remember the cop oneROFL

[kmack]

Yeah, I could have used the cop line this past February!

[Bambikiller240]

Then there was the one about the man driving his car down the street in a heavy rainstorm. While travelling within the speed limit he approaches an intersection and sees a Police car on the cross street waiting for the signal to change. As he passes the officer he flips him the finger and accelerates away rapidly, obviously violating the speed limit.

The police officer hangs a right turn and chases after the speeding motorist who continues to speed and ignores the officer for about 2 miles. Finally the speeder pulls over to the side of the road and waits for the officer to approach. When the exaspirated officer gets to the motorist's door he see that car window is still rolled up and the speeder is thumbing through a magazine. The officer starts knocking on the door glass while the rain continues to pour down on him. The officer raps on the glass, standing in the rain storm, for at least 5 minutes while the speeder continues to ignore him. Finally the speeder calmly rolls down the window. By this time the drenched officer is fuming and virtually shouts to the speeder, "Son, Do you have any idea why I pulled you over?!" The motorist calmly faces the officer with a big smile on his face says, "Officer, do you have any idea why I was speeding?"

"Do-Nuts for Everyone"

[Mr Camouflage]

My brother was at the door of a night club when the Bouncer asked to see his ID.

My brother got out his driver licence, which the bouncer took and examined. Then he asked "When's your birthday?".

"4 of Feburary", replied my brother.

"What year?" the bouncer asked.

"Every Year" said my brother.

He could tell the bouncer wasn't amused, so he quickly told him the year.

[MikeW]

I know a guy who was driving in a town with steep hills. There was a stop sign at the top of the hill at a cross street. Because the car had a manual transmission, and therefore getting started on the steep uphill was difficult, he didn't come to a complete stop but rather rolled backwards a bit before easing the clutch back out and going on through the stop sign. An officer pulled him over for not coming to a complete stop. The officer didn't exactly buy the explanation that he had, in fact, stopped not once but twice.