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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

-Steven Wright

If you were taking that literally, you've still got 1/4 of your life left. It would be an asymptotic type of thing.

I like his other one better:

"I had some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add".

Since we're talking about human life, it gets confusing. Technically that would be a infinite asymptotic distribution if you take it literally but since we're all going to die it would have to be finite. I'll stop there before my brain starts to hurt.

"A man's got to know his limitations"

- Clint Eastwood in "..."

"Strange things are afoot at the circle K"

- Bill S. Preston in "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure"

"Nobody likes to be gets blowed out"

- Magic Johnson after bad Laker play-off loss

From Die Hard

Hans Groober: Who are you, a security guard we missed?

Mclaine: ehhh, sorry Hans wrong guess. Want to try for double jeopardy where the scores can really change?

Groober: Then who are you?

Mclaine: I’m just the fly in the ointment, a regular pain in the arse.

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