Olympic Wrestling

[EScanlon]

The Gold Medal in Wrestling was down to a match between a Russian and an American.

Although both were formidable men, the Russian had gained a measure of notoriety for being able to tie his opponents up and winning easily.

The American coach, just before the bout is trying to fill in his pupil: "This guy has a hold that's been nicknamed "The Pretzel". Once he gets you all wrapped up in it, there's no hope left. Everyone that has been caught in his grip with this hold has had to pound the mat for release and ended up spending weeks in the hospital."

The American wrestler's eyes get wide, but he continues to listen to his coach: "Is there any way of beating him?"

"Yes," says the coach, "don't let him catch you in that "Pretzel" hold or you're done for. Do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING to get out of it!"

The bell rings and both contestants enter the ring and begin circling each other. Turn after turn, each one takes a swipe at the other only to come up empty. The crowd begins getting antsy and you can hear the roar of the crowd getting louder and louder.

When the crowd's yelling seems to build to a fever pitch...the Russian lunges forward and grabs the American...quickly wrapping him up in the "Pretzel". The crowd's groans are obvious, as the sound slowly fades away it's apparent that in a few seconds the Russian will have once again demolished his opponent. The coach can't look, and buries his face in his hands, knowing that defeat is imminent.

Suddenly, the crowd's groans turn into screams of surprise! The coach looks up just in time to see his pupil miraculously writhe out of the "Pretzel" turn around, grab the Russian by the neck and waist, pick him up bodily and throw him down to the mat with a resounding back slap....Flat Back to the mat.

The American WINS!!!

The referee declares him the Gold Medal winner as the stretcher is brought forward to carry the Russian away. The crowd is hysterical, you can literally see the fans' eyes tearing with happiness. There are chants of "U.S.A...U.S.A...." as the coach leads his pupil back into the locker rooms.

Later, in their locker room, the coach asks:"How did you do it? Until now it's been impossible for anyone to get out of it, let alone decisively beat their opponent."

"Well," the wrestler says, "once he finally grabbed me, and wrapped me up in his arms and I knew he had me in the "Pretzel" hold....I knew I was a goner. I fought, and squirmed, and twisted every which way, but it just made things worse! I knew it would only be a few seconds before I couldn't do anything....then when I opened my eyes and right in front of them, I spied a pair of balls...well, at that moment, I remembered what you said about doing anything to get out of it, and with the last bit of movement and strength I could muster....I BIT THEM!"

The coach looks at his pupil aghast! "And then.....what?"

"You know coach, you just can't imagine what you're capable of.....till you bite yourself in the balls!"

[zbane]

Guess he went a little nuts...