Blonde jokes

[GunnerRob]

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened?

"Well, doc, it was like this", said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of horses. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the horses had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball..........stuck right in the middle of the horse's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,

"Hey, this looks like yours!"

[GunnerRob]

An Indian walks into a trading post and asks for toilet paper. The clerk asks if he would like no name, Charmin, or White Cloud.

"White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the Indian. "How much is it?"

"$1.00 a roll," the clerk replies.

"That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indian. "What about the others?"

"Charmin is $2.00 a roll, and no name is 50 cents a roll."

The Indian didn't have much money, so he opts for the no name. Within a few hours, he is back at the trading post.

"I have a name for the no name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk. "We shall call it John Wayne."

"Why?" asked the confused clerk

"Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no $^!# off an Indian."

[bonniec75209]

Hey 2Many,

That is hilarious, I had to laugh in spite of myself.

Bonnie

[GunnerRob]

Little Sally was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Sally, who created the universe?"

When Sally didn't stir, little Jason, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pen and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Sally and the teacher said, "Very good" and Sally fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Sally, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Sally didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Jason came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Sally and the teacher said, "Very good," and Sally promptly fell back asleep.

Once again the teacher called upon Sally and asked a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Jason jabbed her with the pen. This time Sally jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!

[That Ozzy Guy]

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, " Before you tell that joke, you should know something, The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weightlifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. "You still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy thinks for a moment and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[GunnerRob]

****************

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying beside him.

"Goodness," says the golfer and proceeds to revive the little guy.

Upon awakening the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun and I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game and a fantastic sex life."

Well, a year goes by and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.

The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"

"It's great! I hit under par every time."

"I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill."

"I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?"

The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."

The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Only once or twice a week????"

"Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small

parish..............."

[GunnerRob]

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa."

Father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this - "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma.

Next day the grandmother died.

My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.

This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

[Tellie]

A blonde was talking to her friend about trying to sell her car but there was to many K's on the clock, so she asked her friend what she could do.

friend: I know of someone who will turn your odometer back to 40,000 k's so you would be able to sell it.

Blonde: that would be great.

A few weeks go past and her friend see's the blond again.

friend: so were you able to sell your car????

blonde: why would i want to sell my car it only has 40,000 on the clock.

[Alfadog]

hahahhahahhahahhah ROFL they're all hilarious

How can you tell a blonde's been using the computer?

There's white-out all over the screen.

hey Tellie whats up painted that car yet?

[bonniec75209]

Do you know why sharks don't eat mechanics? Professional courtesy.

[260z]

You know that many of us scandinavians are blondes including me...

Here comes few short ones....

Why do blondes keep their fingers in their ears??? To keep their thoughts inside their head...

Why is blonde crying in London?? She just found out that BIG BEN is a clock?!?

Why did the blonde stop hunting birds?? could not throw the dog high enough=)

How to keep blonde busy for the whole day? Put him/her in a round room and tell to sit in a corner..

Why in earth was the blonde happy when he got his puzzle ready?? Because the box says 2-4 years..

This one works in finnish...Why does the blonde have a towel around her when she enters the airplane? Because it is a showerplane( Jet in finnish is suihkukone and suihku means shower and kone means plane/engine)

Different...Why are these blond jokes so short?? So that even the brunets could understand them..

[260z]

Why does the officer allways keep his gun or stick in his left hand??? Because customer is allways right??!? I had to modify it a bit but you get the drill....We write it like that...We dont have the in preposition..

This could be a bit old...

LAPD, FBI and CIA are competing who can catch a rabbit fastest. For the competition they release the first bunny in the forest for the FBI to catch. FBI sealed the forest and held a pressmeeting. FBI told that there are no such things as rabbits. It is just a product of imagination like teh aliens..

Next it was CIA's turn to show their skills. They rushed into the forest and slaughtered every animal in the forest and burned the forest down..

So it was time to change the forest for the last gang LAPD. They released another bunny and the LAPD rushed to the forest. After a while the LAPD comes out of the forest with a bear that was beat to near death condition. The bear was just repeating: "Okay, okay I am rabbit, I am rabbit!!!"