Blonde jokes

[Bambikiller240]

Originally posted by bonniec75209

Sorry. Most mechanics are honest and dependable........

Oh, I wouldn't go so far as to say THAT. As a profession they probably aren't as dishonest and immoral as lawyers, but many are not angels either.

I just like lawyer jokes!

[2ManyZs]

Not many honest mechanics can afford to drive 7 series BMW's or S class Mercedes....

So why does an "immoral" lawyer take his BMW out to look for an "honest" mechanic...

Something wrong with this picture?

[Bambikiller240]

Lawyers (as a group) are just rewarded for their work with a higher pay scale than mechanics (as a group). Honesty doesn't enter into it!

It's not their wealth that makes them immoral and/or dishonest, it is what they do to earn those dollars that makes them so.

Drug dealers also drive BMW 7 series, and Mercedes S class. Probably a few politicians as well. Maybe even a few honest people own them too!

MOST lawyers I've known wouldn't know an honest mechanic from a dishonest one.......until bitten on the a$$ by the latter!

Sorry if I offended any "lawyers, drug dealers, or politicians" out there. The thread was about jokes after all!

[EScanlon]

99% of Lawyers give the REST a bad name!!!!!

Lawyers as a general rule of thumb, never suffer the consequences of the actions they participate in. The lawyer who sues a large corporation and loses, doesn't have to pay out any money at all, his client does. He still charges his client for the time he spent on it. However, if they were to win, he'd get a share of the pie.

Attempts at fixing this are impossible, know why? Cause the lawyers that would upset this applecart hasn't been born, nor would he be allowed to practice!

[Bambikiller240]

Originally posted by EScanlon

99% of Lawyers give the REST a bad name!!!!!

snipped by Carl (but I agree with what was snipped)

AMEN!

[2ManyZs]

Like the lawyers who are now suing a gun manufacturer because the "Snipers" used their product illegally?

Wonder how long it will be before they start a suit against all the auto manufacturers? Drunk drivers use their products to kill and maim everyday...

Oh hell, hope a lawyer doesn't read this, it might give them an idea.... Doubt they could come up with an idea on their own...

[Bambikiller240]

What do you call 1000 lawyers leaping off a cliff into the sea at sunrise?

A good start for the day!

[EScanlon]

A couple on their way to get their marriage license, are unfortunately, killed in an accident.

They arrive at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter lets them in.

After the initial shock, they ask St. Peter: "Since we were on the way to get married, do you think we might be able to get married here in Heaven?"

St. Peter says; "Hmm, no one has ever asked that before. Let me investigate and I'll get back to you."

3 months go by, and during that time the couple has had time to reflect and consider the ramnifications of their decision.

St. Peter FINALLY arrives and says; "Whew, YES you can indeed get married in Heaven!"

The couple then says: "St. Peter, thank you, but we've been thinking. Here in Heaven things are FOREVER, and 'Till death do us part...' won't work. What happens if we want to get a divorce later?"

At this point, St. Peter obviously frustrated, throws down his clipboard and shouts: "Darn it all, I've just spent THREE MONTHS trying to find a PRIEST, and NOW you want me to find a LAWYER?????"

[EScanlon]

A blonde listening to earphones walks into a hair stylist shop and requests a hair cut and a style.

The stylist sits her down and reaches up to remove the earphones from her ears, and she exclaims: "NO, I was told that I can never remove those from my ears."

The stylist explains that this will make giving her a haircut and style very difficult.

The blonde says, "That's fine, I'll pay extra, but I was told to NOT ever remove the earphones."

The stylist goes ahead and does as requested.

This goes on for months, with the blond always wearing her earphones.

Then on one visit, the blonde falls asleep while getting styled.

The stylist, unable to contain the months old curiosity, reaches up and removes the earphones with the intent of listening to whatever was so darned important.

No sooner have the earphones been removed than the blonde immediately suffers what appears to be a Grand Mal Seizure along with more serious complications. The stylist runs to the phone and calls the ambulance service.

The ambulance crew arrives and attempts to revive the blonde but after a period of time, the blonde is declared dead and she's carted away.

The stylist is crestfallen, and in cleaning up the area notices that the blonde's earphones and player are on the ground. Reaching down, and inserting one of the earphones in one ear a droning voice is heard "BREATHE IN........BREATHE OUT........BREATHE IN.......BREATHE OUT........"

[Bambikiller240]

An elderly blonde lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her

wheel chair making sounds like she's driving a car.

As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,

'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's

license?'

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a sweet wrapper and hands

it to him.

He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

The old blonde takes off again, racing another lap around the hallway

The man leaps out of the room again on her next pass by and says,

'Excuse me, ma'am, butI saw you cross over the center line back there.

Can I see your registration please?'

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands

it to him.He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her

way.

She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over the place.

As she comes to the old man's room a third time, he jumps out again but,

this time, he's stark naked and has an erection.

The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,"Oh no, not the

breathalyzer again."

[carguyinok]

This is why you dont see blonds working at the veterinarians office.

poor kitty.bmp

[Tellie]

Theres two old blode ladys (quiet seenille) and they are driving down the road when mary runs a red light....

daisy mutters to herself: i swear mary just ran a red light...

they keep driving and again mary runs a red light...

again daisey mutters to herself....

a couple of minutes later mary runs another red light....

daisey: mary you just ran another red light that is the tird one.

mary: Oh $^!# am i driving...