George W Bush- Resume

[That Ozzy Guy]

RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH

The White House

USA

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for congress and lost.

I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas;

company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took

land using taxpayer money.

Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.

With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the

most polluted state in the Union.

I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in

borrowed money.

I set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes,

with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I attacked two countries.

I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

I shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month

period.

I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal

record.

I am the first year in office set the all-time record for most days on

vacation by any president in US history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over

the worst security failure in US history.

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other

president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

I cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any

president in US history.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any

president in US history.

I set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any

president since the advent of television.

I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any

president in US history.

I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to

intervene when corruption was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to

use the national reserves as past presidents have.

I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take

to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for

protest against any person in the history of mankind

I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.

(The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron oil tanker

named after her).

I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union

simultaneously go bankrupt.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in

any country in the history of the world.

I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military

occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the

United Nations and the world community.

I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of

the United States.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases,

more than any president in US history.

I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove

the US from the human rights commission.

I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove

the US from the elections monitoring board.

I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of

congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

I withdrew from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default

no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election

inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign

donations.

My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best

friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in

world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US

history. I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under

attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.

I took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a

year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the

biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

I, with a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile

Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of

Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and

stability.

I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea

more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government

contracts.

I set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated

US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for

government contracts.

I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of

our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have

no leads and zero suspects.

In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented

any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history

of the United States. I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for

Americans than any other president in US history. In a little over two

years I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most

divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than

two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

I have At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving

record has been erased and is not available).

I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of

war.

I refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my

fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt

companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All

minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are

sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes

from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are

sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (They

can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

[ZwolleY]

Let's see now, what job would he be most qualified? Why, President of the U.S. of course.

[Bambikiller240]

Originally posted by ZwolleY

Let's see now, what job would he be most qualified? Why, President of the U.S. of course.

How about an Oral Proctologist? I think he might be able to "handle" that one!

[TKR514]

Sooo............ to be fair,

What has That Ozzy Guy done with his life?

Owned a company?

Flown a jet?

Owned a sports team?

Influenced the world?

Or just sit with a beer & type out sillyness against others?

Just curious.

[ZwolleY]

Perhaps That Ozzie Guy was not born with a silver spoon hanging out of his mouth. Or maybe he does not have a father that can arrange things for him, or maybe he does not have a very powerful political machine helping him along.

[TKR514]

Yep, a noboby.

[Bambikiller240]

Originally posted by ZwolleY

Perhaps That Ozzie Guy was not born with a silver spoon hanging out of his mouth. Or maybe he does not have a father that can arrange things for him, or maybe he does not have a very powerful political machine helping him along.

Yeah, Paul !!!! Right on!!

Bet Ozzy Guy didn't duck the Military Draft by hanging out in the National Guard playing Pocket Pool with his Best (only) Friend, either!!

[TKR514]

yea,

Where is a real military hero like Jimmy Carter or draft dodging/pot smoking Bill Clinton when you need him?

[Bambikiller240]

Originally posted by TKR514

yea,

Where is a real military hero like Jimmy Carter or draft dodging/pot smoking Bill Clinton when you need him?

Confusing the issue are you? Nothing was said or implied regarding either of the people you mentioned above. And surely you aren't implying that Dubya is a military hero of any sort!!! THAT would be Ridicules!

Of the two men you mentioned, One man is, (in the opinion of many people) a man of peace, and a great humanitarian (incidently, he did serve honorably in the US military).

The other person (whether he smoked pot or not, or dodged the draft or not) was a pi$$ poor leader, President, and husband. He has also been and continues to be the butt of many jokes on this and many other websites.

[TKR514]

yea, I'm just confusing the issue.

And what was the issue?

Just someone with too much time on their hands ranting against Bush. Who cares? I'm gonna go back & work on my car!

[Bambikiller240]

Originally posted by TKR514

I'm gonna go back & work on my car!

Bye!

[Mike]

[Mike steps in, folds his arms, and watches the scene]